“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
- Andy Warhol

A few weeks ago, I got into a debate with a friend about whether everyone has the ability to change.

I said anyone can change their life if they really want to.

My friend disagreed.

"Jonathan, not everybody's like you," she said.

"You decide something and you just do it. Most people can't. They've got too much working against them. You're the exception, not the rule."

In her eyes, some people get to change and everyone else is stuck with the hand they were dealt.

I acknowledge that I’ve been given certain gifts and advantages, but there’s just too much evidence of the contrary.

Change isn't a personality trait that a lucky few are born with.

It's a decision that rests on three beliefs, and anyone can build them.

Every real change I've seen, including my own, comes down to these three:

There are only two limits in life: the laws of physics and the stories we tell ourselves. And so much of what we believe is possible is based on what we’ve seen others do.

This is why it’s so important to be intentional about the stories we absorb.

More specifically; we are influenced by: the powerful (e.g. leaders, authorities celebrities), the many (e.g. the crowd), and the close (e.g. people we personally know).

Let’s look at examples of each.

The Powerful: Before Samuel L. Jackson became one of the biggest stars in Hollywood, he was addicted to crack, and he was even using it backstage on Broadway. One day his wife and daughter found him facedown on the kitchen floor. He went to rehab, and changed his life.

The Many: Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of addicts overcome their addictions. Toastmasters has helped millions of introverts overcome their fears of public speaking. CrossFit has helped millions of people transform their health. The power is in the numbers.

The Close: The close story hits hardest, and for me it's my friend Rory Edwards, who I've known since college. After his mom passed in 2018, Rory spent a year using cocaine every day, and that year ended with his car crashed into a tree. He relapsed, went back to treatment, found a sponsor, and kept showing up to his gym on the days he didn't feel like it. Today he coaches CrossFit, and at 42 he's in the best shape of his life.

When his posts come across my Instagram feed, I don't see a celebrity. I see a guy I went to college with, and that's exactly why his story moves me more than any movie star's ever could. Rory put it better than I can: "If you're alive, that means you could still come back."

Leverage is what happens when staying the same finally hurts more than changing. Most of us wait for life to hand us leverage. For Samuel L. Jackson, it was the kitchen floor, and for Rory, it was the tree. The problem with waiting is that life's version of leverage usually shows up as a crisis.

The better move is to create it on purpose. Get honest about what your current path is costing you in money, health, relationships, and time. Then picture the pleasure waiting on the other side, because pain gets you moving, and pleasure is what keeps you going.

There are seven days in a week but Someday isn’t one of them. Every month we wait carries an opportunity cost: the progress we didn't make, the version of us that never got built, and the time we can't buy back. Waiting feels free, but it's the most expensive choice most of us make.

If there’s something you want to change, you can make that same decision this week.

The question isn’t can you, the question is will you?

Here's your reflection for the week:

What’s ONE thing you’ve been wanting to change but haven’t yet achieved your desired outcome yet?

Get leverage: make a list of what staying the same is costing you. Get specific. Make it tangible. Forecast out how much it will cost you in 5, 10 or 15 years.

With courage,

Jonathan